It has
happened to me more times than I want to remember. Something in the house doesn’t work…for me,
but when the husband comes home – it straightens out.
Like
today. A special day. I decided to exercise. I was going to go to the gym, but I needed to
go to the grocery store…and you know gyms nowadays don’t have lockers….so, what
to do? I only have so many hours in a
day. By luck, I have a treadmill at home. The thing cost a lot and had to be delivered
and assembled. But that was like,
what? I’m thinking 10 years ago.
I step on
the beast and adjust the television so I have something to do during torture. I put the little red thing into the matching
square thing that starts it up. Nothing
happens. I push the start button and see
lights. Then nothing, everything goes
out.
I knew
it. It died. Our dishwasher and washing machine died, the
pool filter and motor is on its way out…and I have a sneaking suspicion we won’t
be air-conditioned very much longer.
Such is life.
I try to
plug the thing into another socket. You
never know. Maybe the top socket is
tired or a fuse blew out. So, if I plug
the thing into the bottom socket it will work.
I pull out the plug for the Vornado fan (sounds awesome doesn’t it? but
way over rated).
I plug in
the treadmill, pull out the red thingy, and put it in again…nothing. I press start and the lights go on. Yeah, I got this. I press the speed levers. Nothing.
Everything just goes out. I spend
20 minutes taking out and putting in the red thing and pressing buttons and
sliding gauges. Nothing works.
The
husband came home as he tends to like to do that after work. He decides to work out. But first, a hug. So, I tell the man in shorts and sneakers
about my day. Didn’t notice he was
poised and ready for action. He
nods. He is after all, the man I married
and stops and listens, despite what he was on his way to do.
I notice
he
is dressed for workout success and ask if he’s going to the gym.
“No, I
don’t want to chance that yet. I thought
I’d just try the treadmill here and see how it goes.” (We’ve both been down with strange throat
things and allergies.)
“Oh.”
“Wait,” I
say. “The treadmill doesn’t work. I tried it today and had to use an exercise
DVD.”
“What?” asks
the husband and proceeds to the domain of the treadmill. I follow.
He holds
up this black cord with the red thingy at the bottom and says, “You know, you
have to put this in to start the treadmill.”
“Hello,
how many years have we had that? I know
that. I did put that thing in.”
“Oh” he
says, and proceeds to put it in and I’m waiting for him to realize it’s broke.
The damn
thing starts right up for him.
“What, it
didn’t work for me earlier!!!” I protest.
“Well,
did you press start?”
“Of
course, what am I an idiot?”
So,
I ask him, “Do you press start? Show me”.
He does
and everything goes black. “Ah..ha…” I
say, proven right, the damned thing kicked the bucket.
Then
he did something else, I think he pressed start again. Mind you this was an hour ago and I’m
forgetting. The treadmill lights up and starts
running. He starts walking. I think he is smirking.
“I
don’t care, it didn’t work earlier; maybe there was a power outage!” Why does everything work when the daddy or
the husband comes home? I have a theory, electronics are intimidated
by man energy…I’m just saying.
I swear,
between the fifteen remote controls in our family room and the six or seven
devices attached to our television, I already feel woefully inadequate. I can’t believe the treadmill turned on me.
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