Monday, April 9, 2012

Electronics...Do They Fear Men? Cause, it Seems They go on the Blink for me..

  It has happened to me more times than I want to remember.  Something in the house doesn’t work…for me, but when the husband comes home – it straightens out. 

Like today.  A special day.  I decided to exercise.  I was going to go to the gym, but I needed to go to the grocery store…and you know gyms nowadays don’t have lockers….so, what to do?  I only have so many hours in a day.  By luck, I have a treadmill at home.  The thing cost a lot and had to be delivered and assembled.  But that was like, what?  I’m thinking 10 years ago.

I step on the beast and adjust the television so I have something to do during torture.  I put the little red thing into the matching square thing that starts it up.  Nothing happens.  I push the start button and see lights.  Then nothing, everything goes out. 

I knew it.  It died.  Our dishwasher and washing machine died, the pool filter and motor is on its way out…and I have a sneaking suspicion we won’t be air-conditioned very much longer.  Such is life.

I try to plug the thing into another socket.  You never know.  Maybe the top socket is tired or a fuse blew out.  So, if I plug the thing into the bottom socket it will work.  I pull out the plug for the Vornado fan (sounds awesome doesn’t it? but way over rated).

I plug in the treadmill, pull out the red thingy, and put it in again…nothing.  I press start and the lights go on.  Yeah, I got this.  I press the speed levers.  Nothing.  Everything just goes out.  I spend 20 minutes taking out and putting in the red thing and pressing buttons and sliding gauges.  Nothing works.

The husband came home as he tends to like to do that after work.  He decides to work out.  But first, a hug.  So, I tell the man in shorts and sneakers about my day.  Didn’t notice he was poised and ready for action.  He nods.  He is after all, the man I married and stops and listens, despite what he was on his way to do.

I notice he is dressed for workout success and ask if he’s going to the gym.

“No, I don’t want to chance that yet.  I thought I’d just try the treadmill here and see how it goes.”  (We’ve both been down with strange throat things and allergies.)


“Wait,” I say.  “The treadmill doesn’t work.  I tried it today and had to use an exercise DVD.”

“What?” asks the husband and proceeds to the domain of the treadmill.  I follow.

He holds up this black cord with the red thingy at the bottom and says, “You know, you have to put this in to start the treadmill.”

“Hello, how many years have we had that?  I know that.  I did put that thing in.”

“Oh” he says, and proceeds to put it in and I’m waiting for him to realize it’s broke.

The damn thing starts right up for him.

“What, it didn’t work for me earlier!!!” I protest. 

          “Well, did you press start?”

          “Of course, what am I an idiot?”

          So, I ask him, “Do you press start? Show me”.

He does and everything goes black.  “Ah..ha…” I say, proven right, the damned thing kicked the bucket.

          Then he did something else, I think he pressed start again.  Mind you this was an hour ago and I’m forgetting.  The treadmill lights up and starts running.   He starts walking.  I think he is smirking.

          “I don’t care, it didn’t work earlier; maybe there was a power outage!”  Why does everything work when the daddy or the husband comes home?  I have a theory, electronics are intimidated by man energy…I’m just saying.

I swear, between the fifteen remote controls in our family room and the six or seven devices attached to our television, I already feel woefully inadequate.  I can’t believe the treadmill turned on me.

    Lesson learned; exercise is bad.

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